Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Top 10 Celebrity Train Wrecks and Tragedies

They had it all…beauty, fame, talent…but Fate was not kind. Through their own self-destructive tendencies, or simply cruel luck, they ended up as fallen angels, part of Hollywood’s dark legend.

10. Jayne Mansfield


Jayne Mansfield was one of Hollywood’s quintessential blonde bombshells: her hourglass figure and platinum hair were her main selling points, despite a genius-level I.Q. Her career soared during the Fifties: by the end of the decade, however, her star was already in decline. No longer under contract to 20th Century Fox, she was reduced to accepting roles in low-budget European films and doing television to stay employed.

She married three times and had five children: her daughter, Mariska Hargitay, with bodybuilder Mickey Hargitay, now plays Olivia Benson on Law and Order: SVU.

Jayne never stopped trying to keep her profile high in Hollywood, performing in nightclub acts, living in an extravagant, candy-pink mansion, and staging a series of publicity stunts throughout her life, primarily by exposing her breasts in public, most notably at a special dinner held in Sophia Loren’s honor. Jayne also briefly aligned herself with the charlatan Anton LeVey, leader of the International Church of Satan, with whom she posed in photo shoots.

When Mansfield was killed in a car accident, on a dark June night in 1967, on a foggy road near a Louisiana swamp, the top portion of her scalp was sliced off as the convertible she was a passenger in slid under a tractor-trailer: three of her children were in the back seat, miraculously unharmed. In a show of shameless self-promotion, LeVey tried to take credit for her death, claiming it was the result of a “curse”: rumors of Jayne’s decapitation were as overblown as her alleged connection to the Church of Satan.

9. Judy Garland


Judy was a mercurial talent who was pushed from a very young age to earn her keep by singing, dancing, and performing. She was the standout in her musical family, and she toured America doing Vaudeville with her sisters, until her mother saw greater possibilities, and delivered her into the hands of Hollywood’s studio system. Judy’s childhood was marked with poverty, and the stigma of having a homosexual father: rumors about her father’s sexual activities were extremely painful to the young girl.

Judy’s mother was a classic stage mother, enjoying the attention and perks that came from being a part of her daughter’s entourage: Judy eventually rebelled against her controlling nature.

While still living under her mother’s watchful gaze, she signed with MGM, who asked a great deal of the teenage girl. MGM deserves some credit for their role in the destruction of this sensitive, high-strung performer. She turned to pills for the first time after they were “prescribed” to her by Studio doctors: they were meant to slim her down for the silver screen. She appeared in the Wizard of Oz in 1939: after fifteen years of toil, she was finally able to end her contract with MGM. Judy went on to play legendary concerts at Carnegie Hall and other venues.

Her childhood insecurities continued to haunt her as she aged, plunging her further into drug abuse: Judy also struggled with debt, failed relationships, and a tarnished reputation in the industry. After several unsuccessful suicide attempts, Judy overdosed and died at age forty-seven, leaving behind two daughters, Liza Minelli and Lorna Luft.

8. Bob Crane


This actor rose to fame when he was cast as Colonel Robert E. Hogan on Hogan’s Heroes. He began his career as a musician and disc jockey: his popularity as a radio host at WICC in Bridgeport, Connecticut attracted the attention of executives at CBS radio. They hired him to jockey their morning broadcast in Los Angeles, and he made a great success of the program, interviewing A-list stars like Marilyn Monroe and Bob Hope, and adding in his own, unique brand of sarcasm and wit.

Bob Crane wanted to move into television, and he made a smooth transition from radio to TV, hosting game shows and appearing in popular shows like Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Eventually, he was cast as Dr. Dave Kelsey on the highly successful Donna Reed Show.

His pivotal role in Hogan’s Heroes began in 1968, and the show had a good run, lasting until 1971, when it was cancelled. After the show’s demise, he made a good living appearing in Disney films and television shows, as well as hosting a short-lived TV talk show, The Bob Crane Show, in 1975.

Bob Crane had an avid interest in photography, which led him to a friendship with John Henry Carpenter, who worked at Sony Electronics and had access to rare equipment. The two men would find women at local bars and film their sexual encounters with them. In 1978, Crane allegedly tried to end his association with Carpenter, calling him and letting him know he didn’t want to see him anymore: there are rumors that Carpenter tried to have a homosexual relationship with Crane, who rejected him.

The very next day, Crane was found beaten to death in an apartment building in Arizona. Carpenter’s car was impounded by police, and found to contain several bloodstains that were analyzed and found to match Crane’s own blood type. Since DNA testing was not yet invented, the case went cold due to lack of evidence, and Carpenter was released from custody. Years later, the blood was tested again, using DNA methods, but it was too late: no conclusive answers could be obtained.

7. Britney Spears


Britney Spears is alive, unlike many of our top ten tragedies and train wrecks – but is she well? A classic case of a child star that grew up too soon under the glare of the media, Britney has struggled to cope with her life as an adult, no longer able to play the part of a beautiful, provocative teenager. Britney’s talent as a performer has been eclipsed by her self-destructive lifestyle, which had led her to drug abuse, mental illness, and failed relationships, most notably with Justin Timberlake, whom she allegedly cheated on with a dancer from her own tour.

After her fairytale romance with Justin ended, she took up with Keven Federline, an opportunist with no money or real career of his own. Another backup dancer, Kevin became Britney’s second husband: her first Las Vegas wedding to a high school sweetheart lasted only a few days. Kevin basked in Britney’s reflected glory, and enjoyed the spoils of her wealth. We all saw it coming: this couple was on a crash course from the beginning. When Britney had two children in quick succession, the couple quickly grew apart, and Britney started to come unglued. Their divorce started a downward spiral that found this young woman lost and alone, unsatisfied by fame, money, and motherhood. The future may find Britney happier and healthier, but noone will ever forget the sad, and often bizarre, behaviour of the pop princess.

6. Michael Jackson


Michael Jackson was a gifted child from a musical family, but he was pushed into the spotlight much too soon. His father was a harsh, abusive man, who criticized Michael’s poor complexion, and the shape of his nose, even as he pushed him out into the public domain. Michael grew up shy and insecure, crying himself to sleep with “loneliness” as he toured full-time with his family. He said he hated seeing and listening to his older brothers having sex with groupies in the hotel rooms they shared together: he was only eleven years old.

The Jackson Five were extremely successful and young Michael was the centerpiece of their act: after he went solo, his musical genius became even more obvious. With the release of his Off The Wall album in 1975, fans began to realize just how singular his talent was. By the time he released Thriller in 1982, he was approaching the most pivotal moment of his career, and leaving audiences riveted by his incredible dancing and flawless vocals. Michael’s talent was his gift and his downfall: it isolated him from the pleasures of a normal childhood, and pushed him into a strange existence at Neverland Ranch, where he kept llamas, a pet chimp named Bubbles, and a series of young male guests, who would share his bed for sleepovers.

The world first took notice of Michael’s predilection for young boys when he was charged with the sexual abuse of a minor in 1993: after that accusation, his would always be plagued with allegations of pedophilia. Michael’s terrible insecurity led him to destroy the beauty in himself that he could not see: his many surgeries left him a tragic shadow of the gifted, handsome young boy who worked so hard to entertain the world from such a young age.

5. River Phoenix


River was a sensitive, talented actor who found success at a very young age. Raised in the clutches of The Children of God Cult, along with his brother Joaquin, and sisters Rain, Liberty, and Summer, Phoenix was haunted by his childhood experiences. The Children of God Cult are known for their sick attitude towards their own children: they believe it is natural for kids to have sex with adults. Many boys and girls raised in the cult have gone on to lives of depression, drug abuse, and even suicide, as they struggled with rage and sadness. River’s acting career was the main support for his parents, as he took parts in notable films like Stand By Me, The Mosquito Coast, and Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade.

River would only hint at the abuse in his past, never spelling it out: he found solace in other, self-destructive ways, through cocaine and heroin addiction. His clean-cut image as a vegetarian, an animal rights supporter, and an environmentalist, made his tragic death even more shocking to the world media. River ended his life at such a young age: he was only 23 when he he overdosed on a fatal cocktail of drugs outside Johnny Depp’s Viper Room. Joaquin Phoenix, along with his sister Rain, had to watch the older brother they loved so much die on the pavement.

4. Kurt Cobain


Kurt Cobain always felt out of place when he was growing up, trapped in a “redneck” town where he was called a “fag” and beaten up. There was so much talent inside of him, even from childhood, but it was mixed with anger and depression. In the end, this combination of melodic beauty and punk angst was like musical alchemy: the songs Kurt wrote were like nothing anyone had ever heard before, they were genius, and they resonated with an entire generation. Kurt tried to deal with fame, but it was hard for him to come to terms with being a commercial entity, and with entertaining concertgoers who might have beaten him up in high school: he felt conflicted, as though he had betrayed his punk roots. Even in his early recordings with Nirvana, for Sub Pop records, his ability to write songs that were instantly memorable, powerful, and intensely melodic was impossible to ignore.

By the time Nevermind was released in 1991, the world was ready for musical change, and Nirvana flashed like lightning through Generation X, electrifying youth and giving them a voice. Kurt tried to make peace with his choices, but enjoying fame was not possible for him. Hypersensitive to critics, of both himself and Courtney Love, his notorious counterpart, he would rage at the things he read and take them to heart. When Courtney was rumored to have abused heroin during the first trimester of her pregnancy with their daughter, Frances Bean, the world turned against the couple, and things began to spiral out of control.

Kurt went deeper into addiction, and heroin took over his life. Some say fame killed Kurt Cobain, who put a gun to his head in his Seattle home and ended his life on April 8, 1994: but no one should ignore the fatal specter of heroin addiction, which utterly enslaves its victims and breaks their spirit.

3. Whitney Houston


Of all the people on this list, Whitney Houston was quite possibly the most unlikely candidate for train wreck status. Her beauty-queen looks, mesmerizing vocal ability, and her clean-cut Christian image made her seem too polished and pulled together to fall so very far, so very fast. From her beginnings as an Arista recording artist in the 80’s, she took the world by storm, with hit records, constant video play on MTV, and acting roles in successful films like the 90’s hit, The Bodyguard, costarring Kevin Costner. But there was more to Whitney than met the eye: her marriage to Bobby Brown seemed to bring out some hidden darkness in the bright and shiny pop sensation.

When the Nineties ended, and the Millenium was ushered in, Whitney found herself on the skids, weakened by a rumored addiction to crack cocaine. She was often mocked on programs like Mad TV, where she was referred to as “Sweatney”, and her erratic, drug-addled behavior was the butt of jokes. She is allegedly clean now, after a stint in rehab, and she has had custody of her daughter since her divorce from Brown in 2006. But time has taken its toll: Whitney’s voice is not what is once was, and her reputation, once so clean and marketable, is in tatters.

2. Marilyn Monroe


Born Norma Jeane Baker in June of 1926, Marilyn Monroe traveled far from her humble roots, straight to the epicenter of Hollywood. Her hourglass figure and luminous, pale skin, accented with scarlet lipstick, made her an unparalleled icon of American beauty and sexuality.

Marilyn’s childlike quality added some vulnerability to her image, striking a chord with millions of men and women. Her roles in films like Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and Some Like It Hot put her over the top, creating a cinematic icon that will live forever. Her deft comedic ability and platinum-blonde allure masked an anxious, depressed young woman, who had difficulty showing up at the set on time, and even more difficulty sustaining the relationships that were so very important to her.

Marilyn was mercurial and mutable, always changing for the men she was with, trying desperately to find the happiness that eluded her. Failed marriages to baseball legend Joe DiMaggio, and acclaimed playwright Arthur Miller left her feeling lost and alone. Marilyn took a lot of pills to ease her pain, and her reputation for being difficult to work with intensified. Ill-fated affairs with the Kennedy brothers stained her image even further, as she spiraled downward, facing the prospect of life as an aging beauty, with a history of health problems and miscarriages. Marilyn died of an overdose of barbiturates in Brentwood, California, on August 5, 1962. Although her death is the subject of countless conspiracy theories, the medical examiner labeled her death a “probable suicide”.

1. Elvis Presley


The teenage Elvis Presley was a gentle, Southern momma’s boy with a polite manner and a burning desire to escape from a life of driving trucks and being dirt-poor. Elvis had respect for authority, but it warred with his uncontrollable urge to push the envelope with his wardrobe, his music, and his stage moves. Elvis started out on the Gospel circuit in the South, gaining acclaim for his velvety, rich voice and his energetic performances. He grew into a style that was uniquely his own, a mixture of R & B and country, that became the first true rockabilly music.

Elvis really revealed his brilliance and individuality while recording his first songs at Sun Records, in Memphis, Tennessee. His first single, “That’s All Right (Mama)” caused a sensation on local radio, with kids calling in to find out who was singing. In time, Elvis became the biggest recording artist in America, with classics like “Hound Dog”, “Blue Suede Shoes”, and so many others.

Elvis worked hard and took care of his family: he loved his mother, and he devoted himself to her. But life had its problems: he was constantly being attacked by the establishment, for his provocative dancing, and he was stifled by the control of Colonel Tom Parker, his manager. He married and had a child, acting in films to augment his income, at Parker’s urging. Music seemed to take a backseat to Hollywood, and Elvis turned to food, drugs, and alcohol to soothe his problems. When his mother died, he seemed to lose the will to fight, sinking deeper into obesity and drugs, and becoming a sad caricature of himself: Elvis died of an overdose on August 16, 1977.

Top 10 Sexy Male Eyes

A few months ago we did a list of the top 10 most beautiful eyes featuring women, so it is only fair that we do a similar list for ladies. Take a look at this list showing off some very famous peepers. Here are the sexiest male eyes.

10. Paul Walker

Paul Walker

Look Past The Eyes:

Paul started his career modeling for Pampers TV commercials! He began acting when he was 12 , but landed his most recognized role, starring with Vin Diesel in “the fast and the furious in 2001.

9. Richard Gere

Richard Gere

Look Past the Eyes:

He has deep bedroom eyes, and has been featured on numerous sexiest man alive lists over the past 15 years. Richard Gere starred in 2 of the sexiest roles in Chick Flick history Pretty Woman, and An Officer and a Gentleman. He also won a golden globe for his 2003 performance in Chicago.

8. Tupac Shakur

2pac

Tupac was a gorgeous and talented man. Not only was he an amazing rapper he was also a social activist and successful film actor. He holds the Guinness Book of World Records title of highest-selling hip hop artist.

7. Josh Hartnett

josh-hartnett

Look Past The Eyes:

Josh is an underrated actor who has been in some fantastic movies/roles: Pearl Harbour, Sin City, Black Hawk Down. He has starred along side of Jamie Lee Curtis, Morgan Freeman and Samuel L. Jackson.
Josh has has total puppy dog eyes!

6. Wentworth Miller

wentworth miller

Look Past The Eyes:

Wentworth is the star of Fox’s Hit Prison Break. He graduated from Princeton University with a degree in English, and while attending he sang for the Princeton Tigertones. He has also starred in the Human Stain, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV) and as Mariah Carey’s love interest in two of her music videos.

5. Hugh Laurie

hugh-laurie

Look Past The Eyes:

Star of one of Fox’s hottest Shows; House. Hugh Laurie was voted 2nd in TV’s sexiest doctors ever poll, made People magazines top 100 sexiest men list in 2006.

4. Cillian Murphy

Look Past The Eyes:

Won the GQ UK Men of the Year Award for ‘Actor of the Year’ in 2006. Cillian has been known to not be a big fan of the typical Hollywood lifestyle. He does not have publicist or stylist, and he usually attends red carpet events by himself.

3. Johnny Depp

johnny-depp

Look Past The Eyes:

What can I say about Johnny Depp in a few sentences? He is one of the most talented and diverse actors of the past decade. And his name is Synonymous with sexiness. I think his eyes are almost black. Do you even remember your name after looking at him?

2. Paul Newman

paul newman

Look Past The Eyes:

At the Academy Awards Paul Newman was awarded the Honorary Award for his “many and memorable and compelling screen performances” in 1986. He also received a Cecil B. DeMille Award for Lifetime Achievement at the 1984 Golden Globes. His work has been celebrated worldwide by many university’s and colleges, and he is well known for his amazing blue eyes.

1. Jared Leto

jared-leto

Look Past the eyes:

Jared Leto is a successful television & film actor, and is the lead guitarist and singer for the band 30 seconds to Mars. After high school, He attended 2 Art schools; one for acting and one for painting.
He was twice voted one of People magazines 50 most beautiful people (1996 & 1997)
Jared received an award for Breakthrough Crossover Artist at the 6th Annual Hollywood Life Awards (December 2006)

Top 10 Banned Books

Throughout the history of the world, starting with the church, censors have been put on many different things. The church was able to create a list of banned books, and many of the books were burned. The first list of banned books came from Pope Paul IV who established The Index of Prohibited Books to protect Catholics from controversial ideas. However, authors found ways to get around these censors. Many just published in a nearby country.

Whether it is for political reasons, religious reasons, or some other reason, books, to this day, continue to be banned, extremely looked down upon, or challenged harshly. As for me, I believe it’s completely ludicrous. Who says anyone has to right to ban someone else’s hard work and ideas? In any case, here are the top 10 banned books.

10. The Color Purple

“I see Sofia and I don’t know why she still alive. They crack her skull, they crack her ribs. They tear her nose loose on one side. They blind her in one eye. She swole from head to foot. Her tongue the size of my arm, it stick out tween her teef like a piece of rubber. She can’t talk. And she just about the color of eggplant.”

A novel written by Alice Walker, The Color Purple depicts the life of a young black girl, Celie, who speaks about her life in letters to God. Celie has been raped by her stepfather, beat by her much older husband, and is basically alone. The book expresses what life is like in the deep south through the eyes of a black female. It has been banned because of its extreme and graphic violence, troubling ideas about relations between races, African history, human sexuality, and man’s relationship with God.

9. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

“If growing up is painful for the Southern Black girl, being aware of her displacement is the rust on the razor that threatens the throat. It is an unnecessary insult.”
This novel is an autobiography of the early life of Maya Angelou. It is able to show how trauma and racism can be overcome by strength and a love of literature. Angelou is able to depict her life from age three to age 17, in Stamps Arkansas. She at first lives with her older brother, and in the end becomes a parent. Throughout the novel, there is a lot of racism and violence, including rape. The book has been banned because of its explicit scenes of rape and other sexual abuse, as well as violence, homosexuality, and vulgar language.

8. To Kill a Mockingbird

“So it took an eight-year-old child to bring ‘em to their senses…. That proves something – that a gang of wild animals can be stopped, simply because they’re still human. Hmp, maybe we need a police force of children.”
Published in 1960, To Kill a Mockingbird became popular quick, and eventually won a Pulitzer Prize. It was immediately successful and has been said to be a classic of modern American fiction. The book is known for its humor and warmth while still dealing with critical and serious issues such as racism, rape, and loss of innocence. Many see the banned book’s famous character, Atticus Finch, as being a hero both morally and racially. However, the book has been challenged many times because of how it deals with race issues. It is extremely prejudice and stereotypical. The novel also portrays an assault that is somewhat sexual, resulting in a rape. Vulgar language, including the “n” word, is also used.

7. Brave New World

“We can make a new one with the greatest ease-as many as we like. Unorthodoxy threatens more than the life of a mere individual; it strikes at Society itself.”
Written in 1932 by Aldous Huxley, this book revolves around a setting of a drugged, dull and mass society. The book takes place in the future, but it doesn’t provide much hope for generations to come. The book is a parody of a Utopian society. The novel explained much disdain for youth, as well as a culture that is driven by the market. The book has been banned for its strong themes of drugs, sexuality, and suicide. In the novel, something as minute as chewing gum is seen as a way to deliver sex hormones, and pornographic films are spread around like free candy. Simply, Brave New World has been banned and challenged for its negativity, the latest being in 1993.

6. 1984

“Never again will you be capable of ordinary human feeling. Everything will be dead inside you. Never again will you be capable of love, or friendship, or joy of living, or laughter, or curiosity, or courage, or integrity. You will be hollow. We shall squeeze you empty and then we shall fill you with ourselves.”
Written by George Orwell in 1949, 1984 is a novel that depicts an extremely grim future of society. The society has no free will, truth, or privacy. The book was first banned in 1984 by the American Library Association because of its “bleak warning of totalitarian government and censorship.” Many see the novel as one that is expressing immoral themes, as well as being pro-Communist. The book tosses around the idea of “Big Brother,” which is still highly influential and popular in culture today. The banned book has also been challenged for sexual themes.

5. Lolita

“A normal man given a group photograph of school girl or Girl Scouts and asked to point out the comeliest one will not necessarily choose the nymphet among them. You have to be an artist and a madman, a creature of infinite melancholy, with a bubble of hot poison in your loins and a super-voluptuous flame permanently aglow in your subtle spine…”
This 1955 novel written by Vladimir Nabokov, analyzes the mind of a highly intelligent, self-loathing man named Humber Humbert, who is a pedophile and has an extreme obsession for “nymphets,” which are young girls, generally around the age of 12. Lolita was first published by a French pornographic press after being rejected by four publishing firms, but soon after, it was banned in France for being obscene. It was also banned in South Africa, New Zealand, England, and Argentina. However, the book was never really banned in the U.S. because when it was published, sexuality and teenage sex weren’t out of the norm. In any case, most countries have challenged the book because of its portrayal of a sexual relationship between a child and an adult.

4. Catcher in the Rye

“Sex is something I really don’t understand too hot. You never know where the hell you are. I keep making up these sex rules for myself, and then I break them right away. Last year I made a rule that I was going to quit horsing around with girls that, deep down, gave me a pain in the ass. I broke it, though, the same week I made it – the same night, as a matter of fact.”
Written by J.D. Salinger, Catcher in the Rye became a best-seller weeks within its release in 1951. The novel explains three days in the life of a 16 year old boy, who is seen as extremely troubled. It is a true expression of teenage angst and rebellion against adults, and many have challenged the book because they fear younger people will look up to Holden, the main character. The banned book first caused controversy in 1960 when a school principal fired a teacher for using the novel as part of an 11th grade class. Many states around the country have issues with the book, some saying it is “anti-white,” while others express that it puts too much emphasis on slang, sex, violence, and issues with morals.

3. Harry Potter Series

“As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all – the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them.”
The most recent books on the list, the Harry Potter series tell the tale and adventures of a young boy named Harry Potter, who is a wizard, and his friends Ron and Hermione. The central theme of the book is a struggle against evil, Lord Voldemort, who killed Harry’s parents. Since the first book’s publishing in 1997, the series has been under much scrutiny. In 2001, parents from all over the U.S. and other parts of the world challenged the book because of its witchcraft, violence, the occult, and its overall scariness. Years later, the series is still banned and challenged for the same reasons, including lying, cheating, stealing, ghosts, and promoting Wicca ideology.

2. Candide

“’What! Have you no monks to teach, to dispute, to govern, to intrigue and to burn people who do not agree with them?”
A great book of great satire! Candide is a classic French novel that satirizes all things that many saw sacred in its day. Churches, philosophers, armies, and rulers were all poked fun at. Voltaire, through the use of satire and funny phrases, was doing nothing more than trying to express a man finding the best of all possible worlds while going through some of the worst things that could ever happen in life. The Great Council of Geneva banned the book after its release, but more than 30,000 copies sold in a year. In 1930, U.S. Customs seized Harvard-bound copies of Candide, and then in 1944 the U.S. Post Office wanted the book dropped from Concord Books.

1. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

“I knowed he was white inside, and I reckoned he’d say what he did say – so it was all right, now, and I told Tom I was agoing for a doctor.”
This book, written by Mark Twain, has been banned in many different places since it was published. Huckleberry Finn is a story of a young boy, Huck, and a runaway slave, Jim, who travel down the Mississippi in order to escape “sivilization.” Here in the U.S., the book was banned in 1885, a year after it was published. At first, the book was banned for its use of slang, which was seen as demeaning. Over time, the focus shifted towards the fact that the novel uses the “n” word so many times, in fact over 200 times. Many cannot get around the fact that such a derogatory word is used so much. Readers often substitute the word with “slave” or “servant.” Despite much controversy, many of the most famous writers, such as Ernest Hemingway, see the book as a great piece of literature, as do many readers.

Top 10 Sexiest Politicians

Here is my Top Ten List of the Sexiest Politicians, certain royalty not withstanding. Hey, it’s my list. You want different rules, write your own. And I’m not limiting myself to the living. Although please let the record show any departeds mentioned here are being thought of as in their living state.

The obvious choice on everyone’s minds right now, I’m sure, is our President here in the States, Barack Obama. And I encourage comments that elaborate on that morsel. But as for me, sorry kids, he just didn’t make my personal Top Ten Sexiest Politicians List.

10. John F. Kennedy

john_f_kennedy

Let’s start inauguration day off right with a JFK Flashback. My Number 10 pick is John F. Kennedy, 35th President of the United States. Beautiful face, dark secrets, a visionary with incredible taste in women. Any man good enough for Marilyn Monroe is good enough for me.

9. Che Guevara

che-guevara

The Revolutionary Che Guevara comes in at number 9, pun intended. You know this guy is passionate and fiery. He must have been an incredible lover, soulful and intense. I can’t imagine a moment in the bedroom with him would ever be boring.

8. Eva Peron

eva-parone

Eva Peron, the First Lady of Argentina makes the list at number 8. Am I the only one that notices how long and strong her fingers look in all those images of her speeches? Enough said.

7. Nikolas Sarkozy

nikolas-sarkozy

Nikolas Sarkozy, the President of the French Republic is on my list for a few reasons. He’s cute, he’s got a sexy voice, and he’s got that glimmer in his eyes that says “Spank me! I’m a naughty naughty Frenchman!” Courbure au-dessus, de Monsieur.

6. Matti Vanhanen

matti-vanhanen

Next would be the geeky, quirky Prime Minister of Finland, Matti Vanhanen. Crazy-smart, never smiles in public, doesn’t take other people’s advice, doesn’t drink, and is often called “boring” by the media. Still waters run deep, my friends. Look at those eyes and that wild left wing politic of his. This guy is a “gusher” waiting to be “tapped.”

5. Clare Boothe Luce

clare-boothe-luce

One of the very first women elected to congress, Clare Boothe Luce is one heady little number. This New York City born, gorgeous woman was a very talented writer. See how much she and I have in common right off the bat? Artsy, sexy, smart, in fashion, and cheekbones to die for.

4. John Gavin

john-gavin

Next I’ll have John Gavin. John was an actor and a Stanford graduate, who served in the Navy. He stared in many films including Psycho. With that strong jawline, sexy little dimple in his chin, and that broad chest perfect for serving up body shots, he was Ambassador to Mexico in the 80’s. Donde es la fiesta, Handsome?

3. Prince Henry

prince-henry-wales

I admit it – I’m a cougar. And calm down, he’ll be 25 this year. Can I get a hell-yeah for Prince Henry of Wales? Yes, that sexy little red headed son of Princess Diana who happens to look more like that body guard then he does Prince Charles, but I digress. What can you say about a guy born into the lap of luxury and privilege who decides to serve two and a half months on the front lines in Afghanistan? Tank Commander Harry, I’d love to salute you, babe.

2. Clint Eastwood

clint-eastwood

No one will be surprised at this one: Former Mayor of Carmel California, Clint Eastwood. But let’s set the stage in the 1960’s. Think: The Good The Bad and The Ugly. He flips that Mexican poncho thing back and quick-draws his nice big gun. I also like to think he keeps the hat and boots on.

1. Yulia Tymoshenko

yulia-tymoshenko

Without a doubt my very number one choice for the sexiest politician, is the lovely Yulia Tymoshenko, Prime Minister of Ukraine. Known as the Joan of Arc of the Orange Revolution, named one of the most powerful women in the world by Forbes a couple of times, and donning that trademark braided long blond hair, she is beautiful, strong, brave, vivacious and smart. Purrr, can you imagine the foreplay? First we engage in a heated discussion about her former business partner Pavlov Lazarenko’s fraud and corruption charges, and then we jello wrestle.

Top 10 Romantic Love Poems

As long as there have been poets, there have been love poems. After all, if love cannot inspire, what can? Our minds turn to love on special anniversaries, Valentine’s Day and weddings, but how to express it? We are not all blessed with the gift of poetic words. The list below may include a romantic love poem to serve the occasion but don’t pretend it’s yours. You will look very cheap when you are found out.

10. ‘Wild Nights’ by Emily Dickinson

A leading American poet (1830 – 1836), she is one of the most accessible and popular poets. This selection is not typical of her output and is surprisingly passionate for a woman of those times. Dickinson led a secluded life and it’s not certain for whom these lines were intended, ‘might I but moor tonight with thee’. Biographers believe that she may have created a fantasy for herself.

Wild nights! Wild nights!
Were I with thee,
Wild nights should be
Our luxury!

Futile the winds
To a heart in port,
Done with the compass,
Done with the chart.

Rowing in Eden!
Ah! the sea!
Might I but moor
To-night in thee!

9. ‘We Are Made One with What We Touch and See’ by Oscar Wilde

Of course, it’s well known that Wilde’s romantic exploits got him into trouble, resulting in a two-year sentence for hard labour. He’s better known for his comedic plays and witty quotes than for his poems. This poem has the joyful line; ‘we draw the spring into our hearts and feel that life is good’. Read the full poem.

We shall be notes in that great Symphony
Whose cadence circles through the rhythmic spheres,
And all the live World’s throbbing heart shall be
One with our heart, the stealthy creeping years
Have lost their terrors now, we shall not die,
The Universe itself shall be our Immortality!

8. ‘Bright Star’ by John Keats

A leading figure amongst the English Romantic poets, many of Keats’ poems are melancholic. He was a doomed man, dying of TB at the age of 26 in a house in Rome where he had gone to improve his health. The house, next to the Spanish Steps, is now a museum dedicated to his life and the life of Shelley. He wrote his poetry in a brief five-year period. Sensual love is celebrated in the line, ‘pillow’d upon my fair love’s ripening breast’.

Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art–
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like nature’s patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth’s human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors–
No–yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow’d upon my fair love’s ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever–or else swoon to death.

7. ‘Another Valentine’ by Wendy Cope

This is from the point of view of a couple that have been together a long time. At first, Cope seems slightly resentful that she is being forced into making a romantic declaration just because a certain date in the calendar demands it, but she gets into the spirit of the occasion and her love for her partner shines through. They are sure of each other, as shown by ‘you know I’m yours and I know you are mine’.

Today we are obliged to be romantic
And think of yet another valentine.
We know the rules and we are both pedantic:
Today’s the day we have to be romantic.
Our love is old and sure, not new and frantic.
You know I’m yours and I know you are mine.
And saying that has made me feel romantic,
My dearest love, my darling valentine.

6. ‘A Drinking Song’ by W.B. Yeats

The title does not suggest a love poem and it’s debatable as to how much alcohol consumption is playing a part! Nevertheless, it is a romantic poem. The opening lines are ‘wine comes in at the mouth and love comes in at the eye’ Let’s hope they don’t regret it in the morning.

Wine comes in at the mouth
And love comes in at the eye;
That’s all we shall know for truth
Before we grow old and die.
I lift the glass to my mouth,
I look at you, and I sigh.

5. ‘Valentine’ by John Fuller

Perhaps the least well known poet on the list, he is an English writer, born in 1937, and is the son of the feted poet, Roy Fuller. This is a sensual poem, which celebrates the physical features of his beloved; ‘I like it when you tilt your cheek up’. It’s a gently teasing poem with fun lines such as ‘I’d like to find you in the shower and chase the soap for half an hour’. Read the full poem.

The things about you I appreciate may seem indelicate:
I’d like to find you in the shower
And chase the soap for half an hour.
I’d like to have you in my power and see your eyes dilate.
I’d like to have your back to scour
And other parts to lubricate.
Sometimes I feel it is my fate
To chase you screaming up a tower or make you cower
By asking you to differentiate Nietzsche from Schopenhauer.
I’d like to successfully guess your weight and win you at a féte.
I’d like to offer you a flower.

4. ‘Love Is’ by Adrian Henri

The late Henri, along with his fellow Liverpool poets, Roger McGough and Brian Patten, brought poetry to a new generation in their 1967 anthology, ‘The Mersey Sound’. It’s a poem about everyday love between everyday people but is strangely touching. ‘Love is a fan club with only two fans’ and ‘love is what happens when the music stops’.

Love is…
Love is feeling cold in the back of vans
Love is a fanclub with only two fans
Love is walking holding paintstained hands
Love is.
Love is fish and chips on winter nights
Love is blankets full of strange delights
Love is when you don’t put out the light
Love is
Love is the presents in Christmas shops
Love is when you’re feeling Top of the Pops
Love is what happens when the music stops
Love is
Love is white panties lying all forlorn
Love is pink nightdresses still slightly warm
Love is when you have to leave at dawn
Love is
Love is you and love is me
Love is prison and love is free
Love’s what’s there when you are away from me
Love is…

3. ‘How Do I Love Thee’ by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Browning had the advantage of a good education, not given to most Victorian women in England. She blossomed as a poet and found love with fellow writer, Robert Browning. They married against her father’s wishes and eloped to Italy. It doesn’t get any more romantic than that. The opening lines to this poem are often quoted; ‘how do I love thee, let me count the ways’.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, — I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

2. ‘A Red, Red Rose’ by Robert Burns

This is both a poem and a song, first published in 1794. Burns is one of the most famous Scotsmen in the world and the anniversary of his birth, January 25th, is celebrated around the world with recitations, whisky and haggis (for those that can stomach it). Burns Night undoubtedly features this poem and the lines, ‘O, my love is like a red, red, rose, that is newly sprung in June’.

O my Luve’s like a red, red rose,
That’s newly sprung in June:
O my Luve’s like the melodie,
That’s sweetly play’d in tune.

As fair art thou, my bonie lass,
So deep in luve am I;
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
Till a’ the seas gang dry.

Till a’ the seas gang dry, my dear,
And the rocks melt wi’ the sun;
And I will luve thee still, my dear,
While the sands o’ life shall run.

And fare-thee-weel, my only Luve!
And fare-thee-weel, a while!
And I will come again, my Luve,
Tho’ ’twere ten thousand mile!

1. ‘Love Sonnet 130’ by William Shakespeare

The most revered playwright in history also found time to compose 154 sonnets, published in 1609. The sonnets are a great source for quotations on the theme of love and passion. He was constantly preoccupied with the relationships between men and women in his writing. Number 130 glories in lines, such as ‘and yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare as any she belied with false compare’.

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask’d, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound;
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare

Top 10 Things Better Than Sex

While researching this article I found so many things listed as “better than sex” that I started to wonder why anyone bothers at all anymore…

We’ve had sliced bread for quite a few years now so I guess the saying “it’s the best thing since sliced bread” has lost it’s impact because the new catchphrase for the ultimate comparison is that it’s “better than sex”.

Of course some people prefer food to sex so I guess sliced bread is better than sex in some cases… Confused yet? Keep reading!

10. Housework?

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Photo by by Ciorra Photography

Over 30% of women surveyed claim that “cleaning gives them more satisfaction than sex”.

These are the results of a survey of two thousand women for the National Housework Survey of Great Britain 2006. Regarding this survey, the Independent Daily reported that “even in an age when women are making economic strides and excelling in the workplace, the one thing that gives the majority a sense of empowerment is a good go around the house with the vacuum cleaner — followed by some cleaning and dusting.”

These must be the same women who don’t find Mr. Muscle or the Brawny paper towel guy the least bit distracting. I mean who wouldn’t like a ‘good go around’ with one of these guys?

9. Dating A Vampire

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Uploaded by Roberto Rizzato ?pix jockey?

Fans of the book or the movie Twilight know that you can’t have sex with your vampire boyfriend or he will probably kill you in a passionate fit. But you’re willing to make that sacrifice because you just love him so much.

He’s so wonderful that it’s all worth it – he’s extremely handsome, drives an expensive car, and he actually glitters in the sunlight. (Now what teen girl isn’t a sucker for glitter?)

Did I mention that he might sneak into your bedroom and stare at you all night while you are sleeping? Or that he’s condescending, emotionally distant, and rather sarcastic? Oh, and his body is ice cold, he’s murdered people in the past, and his friends and family instinctively want to drink your blood?

But I don’t care, mom, he’s dreamy!

8. Weight Loss

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Photo by Laura Jones

According to a survey at AOLHealth.com, 26% of the moms who participated would rather “lose 10 pounds” than “have more sex”. Even more of them (30%) would rather “make more money” (not surprising, since you don’t actually get paid anything to be a mom…).

7. Music

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Photo by by Shery Han

Findings from a survey conducted by Marrakesh Records: “Music is hugely important… 60% of 16-24 year-olds would rather go without sex than music for a week. This increases to 70% for 16-19 year-olds.”

Okay, I now have this whole teen sex/abstinence thing figured out – the RIAA (Recording Industry Association of America) should only prosecute pregnant teens and their boyfriends for downloading music illegally, that should be more effective than Bristol Palin’s Abstinence Campaign! Once a few kids are prosecuted and word gets around, teen pregnancies will decrease (of course, music downloading may increase…)

6. In Vitro Fertilization (IVF)

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Photo by zetson

On the opposite side of the sex spectrum, I propose that IVF is better than sex if you’re trying to get pregnant…

Why take your chances with the genetic lottery system that is lovemaking when you can go embryo shopping with in vitro fertilization (IVF)? With IVF, you can get a Preimplantation Genetic Diagnosis (PGD) – described in an article written by William Saleton at Slate.com as “a technique for weeding out flawed embryos”. At first PGD was used to identify (and reject) embryos that had fatal infant diseases. It was also only offered to high risk couples. But now, it’s being used to select an embryo based on a much wider scope of criteria (gender, non-fatal diseases and disorders). Just imagine what the possibilities are going to be like in the future (hair color, IQ, athlethicism, etc).

Now why would any practical (and wealthy) person choose to have a baby the old way- where you don’t know what you are going to get- when you can create your own custom kid? Think of the children! Is it fair to send your natural spawn to school with a bunch of genetic super kids?

5. Sports

soccer goal celebration

The term better than sex is described as “a euphoric experience, often food-related, quite similar to an orgasm. Usually used by women, as for most men there is nothing better than sex” (urbandictionary.com). Nothing except sports, that is –

Why sports are better than sex:
1. People watch and cheer when you score.
2. If you don’t like your team you can wait until your contract ends and then play with someone else.
3. You can count on it all season.
4. You can watch it going on in your local bar.
5. It lasts over an hour and might even go into over time.
6. You can have a coach on the sidelines while you are doing it.
7. Action replays.
8. Protective equipment can be washed and re-used.

Apparently a lot of people have spent a lot of time coming up with lists of reasons why various sports are better than sex. I guess if you’re not ‘getting any’ you have the spare time…

Why soccer is better than sex:
1. You can be on top for 80 minutes and still come in second.
2. You can score using your head or your feet.
3. Size doesn’t matter. (jokewallpaper.com, The O’Byrne Files http://homepage.eircom.net/~nobyrne/choc.html)

Why hockey is better than sex:
1. A two-on-one or three-on-one is common.
2. People still play hockey after they are married.
3. Periods only last 20 minutes.
4. You can change players on the fly.

Why juggling (…juggling?) is better than sex:
1. You can juggle your balls in front of your grandma.
2. You don’t need a partner.
3. There’s nothing wrong with having blue balls. (thespoof.com)

Of course if you are a professional juggler you might as well pretend you don’t like sex very much, because you probably have the opportunity… unless there’s a cute mime who has the hots for you, or perhaps a unicyclist –

4. Sleep

Video by DonovanGroup

According to the Sleep Well website based out of Stanford University there are at least ten reasons why sleep is better than sex.

Among them: “sleep can last a good eight hours (or more)” and “while sleeping you can have sex with anyone you want”.

UK website The Independent reported that “almost 80 per cent of Britons prefer a good night’s sleep to sex”. This comes from a study conducted by the Edinburgh Sleep Centre where “79.2 per cent [of over 8,500 people] admitted they preferred the thought of extra sleep to sex.”

Of course, this could be one of those win-win situations: if you make sleep your priority at night that might give you more energy for all sorts of activity during the day (hint, hint)…

3. Food

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Photo by Bob.Fornal

Food wins out over sex in so many ways. Most obviously, because you can order it in or enjoy it all by yourself without being judged…

There are 326 recipes called “Better Than Sex Cake” at Cooks.com alone. There is also one recipe at the same site called “Almost Better Than Sex Cake” – I’m guessing this is by the one home chef who has actually sampled both?

Of course if you prefer cookies, here is a better than sex cookie recipe.

I’ve also never heard anyone use the saying, “eat your brains out”… In fact, many foods are actually good for your brain. An article at cnn.com cites a study at Wheeling Jesuit University (West Virginia) that indicates that chocolate can improve “memory, attention span, reaction time, and problem-solving skills”.

Not convinced? Compare this to having sex “on the brain”, which has the exact opposite effect, causing: forgetfulness, distraction, and the inability to think clearly.

Chocolate is also an aphrodisiac, so if you choose chocolate over sex you may still end up with both…

2. Cell Phones

iphone love

A survey conducted by Dial-a-Phone, a cell phone retailer in the UK, reported that “24 percent of women, but zero percent of men, would rather give up sex than their mobile phone for a month” (itwire.com). This makes sense, since I’m sure at least 24 percent of women have realized that a cell phone is better than a man (or woman, if that’s your thing):

1. You never have to prepare meals for your phone: in fact, it will help you get food delivered.
2. You can tell a phone to be silent or choose to ignore a phone without hurt feelings.
3. You can turn a phone on several times in a row – it’s always ready to go and it’s energy will lasts for hours (if not, you can just replace the battery).
4. A cell phone doesn’t care if you talk while the basketball game is on. In fact, the cell phone will let you watch Pride and Prejudice for the 27th time instead, if that’s what you want.
5. It has a call history that you can easily access to see if anyone else is pushing your phone’s buttons.
6. A cell phone is a silent witness to your long chats with your friends and does not make any sarcastic comments about them afterwards.
7. A cell phone doesn’t keep you from asking for directions, in fact it will get them for you.
8. A cell phone is almost always in your car yet it never comments on your driving.
9. A cell phone set to T9 mode will hang on to your every word and anticipate what you are trying to say.
10. And there’s always that handy vibrate mode if you get lonely…

1. The Internet

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Photo by Aghenor ITA

According to Judy Mottl’s article The Internet: Better than Sex?, an Intel-sponsored survey found that “46 percent of women and 30 percent of men would rather abstain from sexual activity for two weeks than go without Internet access for the same timeframe. The percentage spikes higher, to 49 percent, among women ages 18 to 34 years old and to a whopping 52 percent for 35 years old to 44 years old.” (wi-fiplanet.com)

Reasons given by the same article for why the Internet is so important:
1. The ability to stay in touch with family and friends.
2. More efficient shopping.
3. A better grip on personal/financial activities thanks to online services.

I’m pretty sure that making any of the above claims about your sex life would just get you into trouble!

Honorable Mention:

The Microwave -“A survey of 1000 Australian women found most women voted for the microwave as the most liberating invention of the past 30 years” says an article on Australian website news.com.au. This survey was sponsored by Lean Cuisine, the frozen meal company, so I find it a bit suspicious. The dishwasher came in second and the pill lower on the list. Australian microwaves must have different features than the ones around here. Or perhaps, if you stand in front of one long enough, you don’t need the pill?

Top 10 Soap Opera Clichés

We love our soap operas. They have ridiculous plots and unbelievable characters. Just like actual operas but without the fat lady singing. We kid ourselves in to thinking we’re not addicted but there’s always some fiendish cliffhanger to keep us hooked. Soaps share a number of clichés that may make us groan but we’d miss them if they weren’t there.

1. Head Case

Characters in soaps have extremely soft skulls. We know this because even the slightest bump to the head causes them to go into a coma or suffer from amnesia. Give them a knockout blow with a feather and the consequences are dire. They may come out of a coma, only to find they have amnesia. This loss of memory is a cunning plot device enabling a character to assess their relationships from a fresh viewpoint. It also gives the actor / actress the opportunity to look baffled and emotionally frail. Comas are useful in themselves to give a star some time off to go lie on a beach whilst the network decides whether to renew their contract.

2. How Many Relatives Do I Have?

Isabella’s Real Father – Days of Our Lives

There are always family members coming out of the woodwork; the sibling / offspring / parent that the character didn’t know existed. Shucks, it’s a good job I didn’t get that family tree laminated. One in three teenagers learn that they are adopted or the result of an illicit relationship. This gives the scriptwriters ample opportunity to wallow in emotional turmoil.

3. I’m in Love with My Sibling

The thought of brother on sister action is icky but it’s not their fault. They have been raised independently of each other, unaware of each other’s existence, and don’t realize they’re related. The parents in the know devise elaborate ways of separating them but they have to reveal the truth in the end. It’s heartbreaking to watch but perverse at the same time. I love the quote, “We’ve done nothing wrong, we just had the same father, that’s all.”

4. Disappearing Friends & Family

When an actor / actress wants to leave the show, the character has to be given an exit. This can mean death or simply moving away. Strangely, these close friends and loved ones are rarely mentioned again. Special occasions such as weddings or deathbed vigils demand the presence of these formerly important people. So, there are ludicrous explanations given as to why they have not rushed back to their loved ones, usually because they are on safari or trekking in the arctic and cannot be contacted. The clip shows some actresses from Melrose Place who moved on to other things or should we say, better things! (Marcia Cross – Desperate Housewives, Kristin Davis – Sex and the City, and Courtney Thorne-Smith – Ally McBeal).

5. Back From the Dead

Someone is presumed dead but there is no body. Nevertheless, family and friends gather for a poignant memorial. The near tragic circumstances may involve being washed out to sea when a dolphin unexpectedly comes to the rescue or being the lone survivor of a plane crash which lands on a remote island, surviving on nuts and berries. Mixed emotions are evident when the ‘deceased’ bursts in on the reading of the will. Will the main beneficiary be delighted or be smiling through gritted teeth?

6. Sex & Punishment

If an unmarried soap teen has sex, there must be CONSEQUENCES. Also, having sex for the first time undoubtedly leads to pregnancy. If this happened in real life, it would be chaos. Generally, there is some uncertainty as to the identity of the father for soap mothers to be. This means eight months or so of exquisite mental torture leading to the inevitable DNA test.

7. The Happiest Day of Their Lives

Who isn’t a sucker for a wedding? The bride looks radiant, the groom is cute and nervous, the flowers are gorgeous and everyone is dressed up in their Sunday best. But this is a soap wedding and you know something will go wrong. Take your pick from the following; the bride won’t show up, the groom won’t show up, there is a fight, one of them is arrested for bigamy or there is a bomb / hurricane / car pile up that wipes out the entire cast.

8. Feuding & Fighting at the Funeral

Soap funerals inevitably don’t go smoothly either. Simmering resentments come to the boil in this emotional pressure cooker with undignified catfights and punch ups in front of the priest, who manfully tries to continue with the ceremony. Someone is to blame for a loved one’s demise and it’s not going to be settled amicably over a plate of vol au vents.

9. Never Leave Soapland

It’s a proven fact that that soap characters come to grief if they stray outside of their normal environment. It’s akin to falling off the edge of the earth. Life is tough enough in the usual neighborhood but step outside to go on vacation and they’re asking for trouble. The more the vacation is excitedly anticipated, the more disastrous it will be and will only lead to kidnapping or robbery by untrustworthy foreigners, a devastating accident, being wrongfully accused of a crime, or getting caught up in a bloody revolution.

10. Do You Want to Know a Secret?

Stephanie Wrecks Press Conference (The Bold and the Beautiful)
Soap characters are the worse people in the world to keep a secret. They are incapable of any kind of discretion. A secret is either blurted out in a public place, where everyone who matters is assembled, or it is overheard. Sure enough, the keeper of the secret is talking on the phone or telling someone in person and he/she has his/her BACK TO THE DOOR, unaware that someone else is listening. Alternatively, they leave their diaries / love letters / videos lying around. It’s as if they want the world to know. Sometimes, a secret is deliberately revealed. The minx! The cad!

Short-Lived Celebrity Marriages

You know the old saying; marry in haste and repent at leisure. It’s easy to scoff at celebs who rush in and out of love but let’s face it; most of us aren’t surrounded by beautiful people all day. We interact with our dry cleaner and the sandwich delivery guy/gal. Temptation is not all around us and if we were to make a big mistake, we don’t have a team of hotshot lawyers to get us out of it. The following weren’t matches made in heaven. ‘Till death do us part? Well, at least until the ink has had time to dry on the pre-nuptial agreement.

Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett

Married for 21 Months

Julia Quote: “What’s nice about my dating life is that I don’t have to leave my house. All I have to do is read the paper. I’m marrying Richard Gere, dating Daniel Day-Lewis…even Robert De Niro was in there for a day”. (www.saidwhat.co.uk)

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Julia was used to journalists linking her to several actors; some of the stories were even true! She canceled her planned wedding to Kiefer Sutherland with three days to go. Marriage to country star, Lyle Lovett, went ahead following a three-week affair and a romantic elopement in 1993. Their divorce was of the amicable kind and they state that they have remained friends. Country singers need a bit of heartbreak for their songs, after all. Julia is currently married to Daniel Moder, a cameraman she met on the set of The Mexican, and they have three children.

Charlie Sheen and Donna Peele

Married for 14 Months

Charlie Quote: “This feels like my first real marriage (to Brooke Mueller). The first one was a show, the second one was a con and this one is the real deal”. (www.jared.com)

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So, the first marriage to Donna Peele, by Charlie’s reckoning, was the ‘show one’, whatever that means. Sheen’s private life used to get more attention than his movie career due to drug problems and liaisons with porn actresses and call girls, notably Hollywood madam, Heidi Fleiss. He claimed that he had slept with 5,000 women. Despite all this activity, he found time to marry on three occasions. There was also an engagement to actress, Kelly Preston, but they split after he accidentally shot her in the arm. Charlie’s second marriage, to actress Denise Richards, lasted four years and produced two daughters. His current marriage is to real estate investor, Brooke Mueller and they have twins. Charlie seems to have got his act together, personally and professionally, and has announced that he has become a Born-Again Christian.

Jennifer Lopez and Cris Judd

Married for 7 Months

Jennifer quote: “It’s hard for them (partners) to live in my shadow, knowing that they will never make the money I do”. (www.saidwhat.co.uk)

The Egyptian Theatre

Dancer and choreographer Cris Judd met J-Lo when he directed her music video to promote Love Don’t Cost a Thing (that’s only true if you sign a pre-nup), and they married in 2001. Her first marriage, to Cuban chef Ojani Noa, had lasted for 11 months. Jennifer also had a relationship with controversial hip hop star, Sean Combs. The split from Judd occurred when Jennifer began a public liaison with Ben Affleck. The so-called Bennifer wedding was called off a few hours before the ceremony, with both stars citing media intrusion as the cause. Jennifer went on to marry singer, Marc Anthony, in 2004 and they are the parents of twins. As a reaction to past events, the couple married in secret and they are private about their relationship. Rumors of an impending divorce have been circulating but the couple denies this.

Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock

Married for 5 Months

Pamela Quote: “I tend to just completely consume the men that I love. I’m such a romantic”. (www.saidwhat.co.uk)

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What does she mean by consume? Like a praying mantis? The Baywatch star likes whirlwind romances. She runs in slow motion but she gallops up the aisle. She married first husband, Tommy Lee from Motley Crue, after they had known each other for 96 hours. That marriage lasted three years and produced two sons. Musician Kid Rock became husband number two in 2006. This was the shortest one, narrowly beating the 6-month marriage between Pammy and poker playing Rick Salomon, which was annulled in 2008. There was bad blood between Tommy and the Kid, coming to a head in 2007 when Kid Rock assaulted Tommy at the MTV Video Music Awards.

Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney

Married for 4 Months

Renee Quote: “I suppose I don’t really have a type that I usually go for. I’ve never really gone for the ‘good guy’ or the ‘motorcycle guy’ or the ‘bad guy’”. (www.saidwhat.co.uk)

kennyrenee

How about the country music singer guy? Following romances with Jim Carrey and Jack White of the White Stripes, Renee married Kenny after they had known each other for 5 months. The Caribbean island of St. John was the idyllic setting in May 2005. An annulment was finalized at the end of the year. Kenny expresses the pain of lost love in songs, such as Better As a Memory. The paparazzi continue to take an interest in Renee’s love life. There were rumors of dates with Sir Paul McCartney. It’s all far removed from the life of Bridget Jones.

Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley

Married for 4 Months

Lisa Marie Quote: “Look at the amounts Ben Affleck has lavished on J-Lo. When Nick opens his wallet, moths fly out”. (www.saidwhat.co.uk)

Hudson Hotel

Nicolas Cage is a huge Elvis fan and took inspiration from him for his character, Sailor Ripley in Wild at Heart. He collects memorabilia of the King but this was a collector’s item gone too far. At least he could comfort himself with work…(no, really). They married in Hawaii in 2002 in a hush hush ceremony. Lisa Marie’s first marriage lasted six years but her marriage to Michael Jackson in 1994 ended in divorce after 19 months. She has married for a fourth time, to her guitarist and producer. Lisa Marie was Cage’s second wife, following his first to actress, Patricia Arquette. His current wife is a former waitress and they have a son together, named Kal-El, in tribute to Superman’s birth name. He certainly won’t get teased. Children are known for their kindness.

Drew Barrymore and Jeremy Thomas

Married for 6 Weeks

Drew Quote: “Sometimes I bust out and do things so permanent. Like tattoos and marriage”. (www.saidwhat.co.uk)

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Let’s hope Drew didn’t tattoo Jeremy on her arm. This was Drew’s first marriage when she tied the knot with Welsh bar owner, Jeremy Thomas in 1994. Wedding bells had sounded when she was just 16 years old but the engagement was broken off. Another engagement was canceled when she split from musician/actor Jamie Walters. A second marriage, to comedian Tom Green, lasted for 15 months. She was also in a 5-year relationship with The Stroke’s drummer, Fabrizio Moretti and has dated actor, Justin Long. Her days as a child actress and troubled teenager with addictions are well documented and Drew went on to have a successful career as an actress in adult roles and as a producer. A permanent love match is proving more elusive.

Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman

Married for 9 Days

Carmen Quote: “I’m more attracted to a stronger man rather than a feminine man. Someone who would just throw me down and take control”. (www.thinkexist.com)

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Maybe Dennis’s ability to slam-dunk was the attraction. Carmen, former Playboy model and Baywatch star, is many men’s fantasy. Her first marriage was to Dennis the Menace, the flamboyant basketball legend, in 1998 in Las Vegas. They were reputedly drunk at the time and the marriage was invalidated. Carmen’s second marriage was to rock star, Dave Navarro in 2003, ending in divorce in 2007. She has also had relationships with Prince, rap singer, B-Real and Tommy Lee. Dennis had one marriage behind him prior to hooking up with Carmen and he re-married in 2003, his wife claiming acts of domestic abuse. He also had a much-publicized romance with Madonna.

Dennis Hopper and Michelle Phillips

Married for 8 Days

Michelle Quote: “I will say this about Dennis Hopper. We were married for eight days and truly…they were the happiest days of my life”. (www.quotelucy.com)

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Although Michelle Phillips has said less flattering things about Dennis too, it must have been one helluva week. A marriage that doesn’t last as long as a tub of yogurt but brings such joy is a wondrous thing to behold. Michelle, member of the sweetly harmonious Mamas and the Papas, turned actress, married Dennis in 1970, having met him on the set of her first film, The Last Movie, in which Dennis starred and directed. Michelle and Dennis have 10 marriages between them and each of them is currently married.

Britney Spears and Jason Alexander

Married for 55 Hours

Britney Quote: “With love, you should go ahead and take the risk of getting hurt because love is an amazing feeling”. (www.saidwhat.co.uk)

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There’s a short-lived marriage and there’s taking the piss. Britney’s troubles have been well documented in tabloid stories of bizarre behavior and addiction. There was media frenzy when the story broke that she had married her childhood friend in a Las Vegas wedding chapel in January 2004. Britney called it a mistake and the annulment was quick. Her previous relationships included Justin Timberlake and Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit. Following a three-month romance, she married back up dancer Kevin Federline in September 2004. They had two sons together and divorced with a fierce custody battle to follow. Britney has been in show business since she was ten years old and is followed everywhere by the paparazzi. Despite her problems, she has made a professional comeback and the custody dispute has been settled.

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